Is it time to kill all Expectation?
I didn’t realise what my expectations were of my partner until I was in a relationship…
Is it fair to assume that my partner should be focused on meeting all may expectations?
I have no idea how I came to the conclusion that a man’s role in my life was to make me happy followed by a lifetime of servitude …where my happiness was the ultimate goal for HIM.
As you read this you may find yourself thinking “how incredibly entitled?”
Or this may even resonate with you?
I just didn’t know any different… I wish I could stand here and tell you … love and relationships are a breeze but they’re not… They are your greatest growth and boy, this can be extremely painful and when you do decide to change it up…you will transform and transmute into love.
For me, this is what I thought a relationship was… a set of expectations… some high, some low … where the man in the relationship, would provide everything that I needed, wanted and desired.. even at the detriment to himself…
That was his job?, Right!! Wrong!
Meeting my expectations was never his job and I learnt this the hard way… No matter how hard he tried or how much he gave … I moved the goal post … my expectations were raised and I was never fully happy.
This craeted arguments…
Havoc and dysfunction in the relationship…
The resentment and bitterness seeped into the relationship and we out of sync with ourselves and each other…
An together we sat in an unhealthy volcanic soup of emotional chaos bubbling and simmering away… burning each otherr with the drama of the heat…
What the actual ****????
The truth was I didnt know how to be in a relationship.
Its taken me years to figure out love… to understand men better and to truly transform myself so I can be the best(ish) version of me in my relationship.
The script flipped when I started to recognise that in order for us to be happy I needed to take that sack of expectations off his back and figure out how I could meet my own needs…
Journalling is a therapeutic and revolutionary experience and it has been the cornerstone is helping myself an day clients recognise patterns, thoughts, behaviours and in this case expectations…
Write down all that you expect from him. Sometimes we genuinely dontrealise what they are. So keep the book close and make notes as soon as a thought hits you.
Next ask why you have the expectation?
Is this a necessary to your life and happiness.
If not, its time to release the expectation.
At the end of the journalling experience… then do the 555 - Breathe deeply in ( 5 counts) hold…for 5 counts and slowly exhale for 5 counts.
What I do know now is when I was child… I was also student being deeply programmed by my environment and my culture… I was absorbing information like a sponge…
I learned that a woman must have:
High expectations
the man must meet and provide for ( back in those days women didnt work and they were dependant on their man to provide food, shelter, clothing, permission and
I learned that it was hard for a woman to simply meet her own needs…
I had idealistc dream vision for my life created by what I didn’t want (a life of servitude and duty) followed by a diet of unhealthy romantic love (Disney, Bollywood) …
The truth is that expecting another human being to fill you up and meet all your needs is opening the door to a life of resentment. They can never fill that bucket for you… you need to participate and take responsibility for your own desires and dreams…
To stop the suffering…check your expectations… revisit and rewrite them on the daily…